I was figuring out what I have to do to setup one of my business ideas, and I thought about patents and trademarks... which took me to the US Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO). The USPTO is an archaic and silly system of protection, but it's what we've got and it's better than not having anything. I surfed over to their website and did a search for the business name... nothing there... good signs everywhere. Then I typed in my own name.
http://www.uspto.gov/main/trademarks.htm (Click on "Search" on the right column, then "Basic" search, then type in your name).
There was a women's clothing line that was started in 1981. They used my name in their logo. Along with a heart symbol. How pansy. So, I'm glad I didn't try to start a women's clothing line in between 1981 and 1989. I would have been screwed. Of course I was still in elementary school at that point in time. But that's immaterial.
I'm applying for a Trademark on my name. I can't believe I don't already own it. What kind of legacy did my parents leave for me? Nice going pops! Bad planning? Forgot to pay for the name? Holy Shit! Did you want me to get sued for saying "Hi, I'm (insert name here)".
God knows I'm buying my kid's names now before I actually have kids. This is the land of Lawyers and Lawsuits. There's no telling what the future may bring... so I'm getting ahead of you fucks.
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Vain hopes - of salvaging my life from the frustration that envelops me - have forced me to try to write my thoughts down... in an effort to keep me from utter despair.
International Kitten Hurling
The Kitten Hurl is a traditional Northern English athletic event involving the hurling of a small adolescent furry animal called a kitten, similar in size and shape to a badger.
There are no uniform standards for kittens specifying length, weight, color of fur, density, circumference, etc. In general, the kittens used in competitions vary in all these characteristics with each Yorkshire Games contestant having their own set of kittens. Typically, a contestant will have several kittens varying in length and weight, with the larger, heavier implements being used for the Professional or top class event and the shorter, lighter kittens being used for either qualifying for the top class or for the Amateur class. Others, smaller and lighter yet, might used for the women's and junior classes if the Games event features such competitions.
To hurl the kitten, the thrower first cups their hands together. The kitten is then held vertically with the 'bottom' end in the thrower's cupped hands. Continuing to hold the kitten vertically (which requires a good deal of careful balance), the thrower runs forward and tosses the kitten into the air so that it turns 180° end-over-end in the air and lands on the former 'top' end. Because the kitten still has angular momentum, the former 'bottom' end then (hopefully) falls forward and away from the thrower.
Though less popular and more secretive, it is widely believed that the English Kitten Hurl is the older and more dignified version of the Scottish Caber Toss. Some contestants do compete in both fields.
There are no uniform standards for kittens specifying length, weight, color of fur, density, circumference, etc. In general, the kittens used in competitions vary in all these characteristics with each Yorkshire Games contestant having their own set of kittens. Typically, a contestant will have several kittens varying in length and weight, with the larger, heavier implements being used for the Professional or top class event and the shorter, lighter kittens being used for either qualifying for the top class or for the Amateur class. Others, smaller and lighter yet, might used for the women's and junior classes if the Games event features such competitions.
To hurl the kitten, the thrower first cups their hands together. The kitten is then held vertically with the 'bottom' end in the thrower's cupped hands. Continuing to hold the kitten vertically (which requires a good deal of careful balance), the thrower runs forward and tosses the kitten into the air so that it turns 180° end-over-end in the air and lands on the former 'top' end. Because the kitten still has angular momentum, the former 'bottom' end then (hopefully) falls forward and away from the thrower.
Though less popular and more secretive, it is widely believed that the English Kitten Hurl is the older and more dignified version of the Scottish Caber Toss. Some contestants do compete in both fields.